Ahh.. finally.. the weekend.

NOT!!

I have so much to do!! So many chapters to read, so many papers to write and I've been going to school while all my other cousins are at home. No fair! T___T

Actually, at least we got a half-day today. We could have gotten a no-class-day but those people in the admin wouldn't let us :(

So what has been happening? It's a roller-coaster of emotions for me. My hormones are kicking in. And I've done a few bad moves that are currently wreaking havoc in my life. LOL

Couple of weeks ago, I apologized to an old friend (about 7 years) for having said really harsh words to him. Why all of a sudden? Didn't want any more burden deep-seated in my chest. So forgiveness was all I wanted, right? But there he was thinking I wanted something more, just like he does. Well I didn't know that until the other day. He said something like he "misses" me and even before that he's been sending me SMS every single day asking whether I'm home, what I was doing, if I needed a ride. That's when it hit me that he was becoming clingy! And we weren't even in such a relationship that permits being clingy!

So today I set things straight with him. I told him that I offered him friendship but he wanted more than that and I made it clear that I cannot offer any more than that. All along, he thought we were going to be able to work something out and I told him that was impossible. He even said that he got "hurt again" like he was blaming me for it. It pissed me off. But it was my fault anyway. If I hadn't apologized and if I hadn't offered him friendship, he wouldn't have thought of such deeper things. Oh well.

We're going to the cemetery tomorrow to visit my amah and angkong and aku dione, too. I bought Dunkin' Donuts for amah hehe I always bring home Dunkin' Donuts when it's payday Friday. That was way back when I was working as a student assistant at my high school. I miss my amah. I wish she was here to smack me for my wrongdoings. :'(

My Ai Z talked to me on the phone a while ago. I've always considered her to be one of my moms. I have 3 moms - my real mom, amah and Ai Z. I don't really see her advising me as intruding and I really appreciate that she is trying to talk to me about rather serious things. Things that me and my mom would probably be screaming at each other for. I prefer something more civil like that :)

Decisions, decisions. Why are they so difficult to make? When is the right time to make them? How would I know if I made the right one? So many questions. :(