Yay! New blog. :D How do you like the layout? It has a feel-good feel to it, doesn't it? It's probably temporary, probably permanent. Who knows, right? Thanks to DancingSheep for this pretty layout. :)

Now, on to a much-awaited update.

I ruined my life. Everything I've planned and dreamed of doing or becoming vanished because of my stupidity. Yes, I blame every little detail on me. I should have known better. I am not sure what went wrong but apparently, something DID. Well, this is my own doing and I should suffer a sorry fate from here on. I just feel sorry for my family, that they have to go through this with me when they aren't even a part of it. :(

Some relatives were home for a few days last week and I am so glad that I did not have to take any confrontations from them. My godmom even sent me SMS when she was back at her country - words of encouragement, I suppose - made me cry really hard.

The problem is that people don't really know how bad I feel. Sure I crack a joke or smile sometimes but that's just because I don't want to look depressed. But I AM depressed. I cry, too. I just don't want anybody to see.

If I could just change things or turn back time or something.. If it wasn't a crime to kill, I would have killed myself. Several times I've entertained suicide, if only it wasn't a sin.

This sucks.. :(